Hi I'm Jessie, I'm 14 and I had cancer. You’re probably starting to think that my life was a lot different to any other human being on this planet and that I was always depressed and all I did I was spend my time in the hospital but that’s not exactly true. I mean yeah of course sometimes I was depressed and I had to go to monthly check-ups but apart from that life wasn't that different apart from the times where my disease caused me unmanageable pain that was almost unbearable to live with. But cancer didn't change my life the way you’d expect it to.
You see I was diagnosed at 11 and at first I pictured me as that depressed person who does spend all her time in the hospital and has no life outside it but as time went on I realised that my life would be over soon and I didn't want to spend the remainders of it stuck in hospital making my illness seem 10 time worse than it actually was. So I started living my life as if there was no tomorrow as for me it was impossible to tell if there actually would be.
I wanted to be treated the same as everyone else but things didn't work out that way. First my parents fussed over me, treating me like they did 11 years ago when I could barely stand up or say Dada or Mama. I don’t think they realised that even though I had cancer I could still do most things and only needed a bit of help in life but there my parents so I kind of expected it from them.
Then there was school. When I was diagnosed I had to stay off for a few weeks and then when I returned word had gotten around that I had cancer so I suddenly had all these people who seemed to be in the background of my life crowding round me as if they had been my closest friends since nursery. That’s when I noticed that my best friend (Maddie) was in the corner glancing up at me and I soon as I caught eye contact with her she turned away sharply and sped off hoping that I hadn't seen her. The rest of the day was slow and painful. I spent most of it thinking about her and how much I had missed her in the past few weeks. I remembered how she said she’d always be there for me no matter what but I guess she never meant that because if she did I wouldn't have been feeling so alone.
Later that night I received a text which read ‘Jessie, we have been friends since as long as I can remember but we have to end it now because I can’t face seeing you get worse and worse each day knowing that I can’t help you so I'm ending this friendship and I promise to never make contact with you again.’
That was it. That single text was the end of our friendship. I was extremely angry that she didn't have the courage to speak to me face to face or even call me. But I will tell you one thing. She kept that promise
From that day forward we never made contact again apart from a sudden glance in school which lasted a second. It was hard, pretending that I didn't care about her any more and acting like she was a complete stranger and I never got used to it.
As years went on my cancer got worse until I could barely walk. After all the years of fighting I knew. I knew it was time for me to go and I think my parents knew too as I was living in unimaginable pain which is no way to live your life so on the 7th of march I went into an endless dream in which I never awoke.
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