114119771323026088749 Hans Christian Tesch

5 mins.

The Timeless Nexialist

Header default

The Timeless Nexialist

Chapter 1

Chapter One - Awakening

I still remember the day of my Awakening. It was raining in fact, and a woman, quite attractive and tall for an Inner City nurse to be, flashed me a gap toothed smile and said something I could not quite comprehend, as most likely my Epidermal Translator was not yet inserted. But I am pretty sure she said something like "You are such a handsome man, do you mind if I do you here before the doctor comes back?" or probably something to that effect. Anwyays, for better or for worse, I could not recognize the surroundings I was in. All I know is that I was Awakened

Being Awakened is much different from being born, in fact people were never born now.This was probably due to the Legalistic Movements of the late 2300s, wherein everything had to go to a lawyer, everything from having a date or even having sex, for one could be liable for anything. I remember a friend of mind, Grimson Jange, who served with me on the Air Corps, quitting the service once he landed a juicy lawsuit that he somehow brilliantly thought of, earning him almost 10 million Terra Credits. For the uninitiated, one can have almost a five course meal for a mere 2 Terra Credits, buy a Flotation Car for about one to two thousand credits depending on make and model, and a standard single space habitation module for about 5,000. So yeah, he can quit the service in the Air Corp that was only giving him around 300 Terra Credits a month as a Navigator.

Anyways, back to the lawsuit, he was able to orchestrate the very first landmark Reverse Sexual Harassment Case, in which a woman, a very attractive one at that, whom he saw at the Flyer's Diner on the airbase, gave him such a boner that he almost fainted. Well to make a long story short, he was not able to get the girl's number or her acquiescence to have a tryst with him and so he sued her to get back at her.

The case made headlines and Interglobal Television Coverage, as the case was built from the ground up, wherein males can now sue for Reverse Sexual Harassment,as women can be distractions to males in the ordinary affairs of living and thus are also liable for sexual harassment if they are able to arouse the hormones of a nearby male. Well anyway Grimson my Navigator was able to establish that he has such a traumatic experience being aroused by the defendant that he could no longer perform his duties as an officer of the Air Corps and thus became a liability to National Security, all because of the girl, Miss Jenna P. Williams, who happened to be at the Flyer's Diner somewhat at the dubious time that 2 of the best officers of the Air Corp were set to have their snacks, with the premeditated intention of sabotaging National Defense by her enticing charms to be used on either myself or on Grimson.

The lawyers had a field day, and since this was a landmark case so full of loopholes and legal possibilities, Grimson won a landslide win, in which the government was also asked to pay severe damages and liabilities to him for not protecting him from the erstwhile advances of Miss Williams, when they knew full well that he was such a good Navigator in charge of billion Terra Credit worth of systems on airships,thus putting the whole Air Defense System in jeopardy.

Due to the win, women then started to decide not to become so attractive to men, they did not put on any make up, started to expose less skin, and started to gain weight, unless they may become involved in a Reverse Sexual Harassment case. In fact so many cases of related magnitude started to spring up that lawmakers added laws that said cases of Reverse Sexual Harassment cannot occur in domiciles or homes, and this forced many women to leave the workplace altogether, for many horny and money hungry men started going to the office to be turned on and get rich at the same time. Thus the only ones who actually worked were either ugly or made themselves as such, or even mutilated themselves in some way so as to appear unattractive. \

I looked at my gap tooth nurse and she smiled back at me again. She was attractive except for the gap tooth, one she probably had put in, and she kept smiling so as to turn me off rather than turn me on in this case. Pretty smart come to think of it, but then I was still turned on in a way ha ha ha, imagine how a gap tooth would feel like? i had to quell my thoughts right away as an individual, the doctor presumably, came in with a tray on which was a syringe, a small capsule the size of a peanut and a barbaric looking scalpel. The doctor mouthed some words i could not understand but he did point to the peanut capsule and to his neck then to me. I quickly understood he wanted to put in my Epidermal Translator so i begrudgingly obliged, knowing how those fuckers hurt like hell when first inserted.

The doctor made a small incision on the left side of my neck, just where the mandible meets the outer ear and jammed the little beanie in. At that moment all the curses I had ever learned since I was a living being started to flow through my head and out my mouth, the damn thing hurt like hell and the bastard of a doctor did not even warn me when he was abut to insert it or even give me any anesthesia. After my initial screams pf pains and half cries i tried to focus my eyes through my tears at the doctor's chest to figure out a name on the template, so i can at least get the fucker back once my head cleared. Anyways, as the mist around my eyes cleared, so did the dumbing silence in my ears as I could now make out the words that the gap toothed nurse and sadistic doctor were saying to each other.

"Oh Doctor Williams that was just horrible, I bet that hurt like a bitch!"

"I certainly hope it did, this motherfucker was friends with that guy who sued my fucking wife some years back"

I looked at the little chest plate on the doctor's chest and it said Dr. Horatio P. Williams. Lol, who the fuck names their kid Horatio? It was so funny that the doctor turned his attention to me when I let out snorts and snickers, my version of a girl's shits and giggles.

"And what do you think is so funny, dude!?"

"Man your name" I said, "Whore - a - tio? Is it like a man slut or something haha?"

"Why you mother..." Horatio did not finish as he lunged at me with a clenched fist when his head exploded like a grapefruit from one side, the result of a .60mm bullet from a Ministry of Peace Officer's gun. "Stand down Citizen!" came a robotic voice from a man in an all black motorcycle suit complete with helmet and visor, the typical law enforcement fashion of the day and of any age. On retrospect I think the "Stand down, Citizen" remark should have before Dr. Williams was blown up, but then I realized that the command was most likely aimed at me as I notice three dots floating over my body from laser sights.

I looked around the room and saw three of the motorcycle dudes in the room and Miss Gaptooth Nurse, bless her soul for the short oral fantasies, was flat out passed out due to fear under the bed.

"Guys, damn.. you guys were really....." I said, but before I could finish the complement on their timely arrival, Motorcycle Dude 2 popped me on the head with the butt of his gun and I slumped like a sack to the floor. Before I slipped off, one of them radioed "Subject acquired".

  • #funny
  • #original
  • #sciencefiction
  • #space
  • #adult
  • #outerspace
  • #humorous

© Hans Christian Tesch, 2018. All rights reserved.

Next Chapter


Hans Christian Tesch


Follow the incredible adventures of a new kind of hero, the Timeless Nexialist, as he tries to remember what it was he was Awakened for and what his mission is on the planet of New Terra. Disclaimer: Some funny and light hearted adult moments reminiscent of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.


Default avatar