Games of Thrones. Flowers in the Attic. Oldboy. Luke and Leia Skywalker. Keeping up with the Kardashians. Damn you media and damn you society for making incest look so fucking awesome. You don’t know just how much you destroyed the future. Or rather my present. The only problem is, this present doesn’t come with a money back guarantee, or even store credit with a valid receipt.
I am the product of family love taken much too far and much too romantically. Sure, I may be dumb as hell, but that’s not my fault; and what I lack in brain skills I make up in fighting skills.
The incest wars have damned our planet to a burning cesspool that stinks of misery, shit, death, and tyranny. The wars have done more damage than the war on drugs, terror, religion and a rapist, celebrity president combined.
When you’re an ant, as well as your own aunt, pun so damningly intended, your two worst enemies are feet and the magnifying glass. But as Sun Tzu said in the Art of War, you need to take out the weakest link first. At least, I think he wrote that. I can’t read.
You might wonder, how a can person’s mom and dad and brother and sister respectively be the same two people? Time travel. That’s how. Time travel is the foot, and the Uncle of the Free World, our prime minister, our president, out fascist dictator king who feasts on the flesh of his own children, which is technically everyone due to nano/granotechnology, is the magnifying glass that somehow only fogs our vision of a better world.
How I see it, if I can utilize time travel, not to bang my own descendants/parents (of my present) in the past, but to instead go back in time to stop the legalization of incest and the illegalization of any and all other forms of love making, the Uncle of the Free World should cease to exist. He just has to.
I have more enemies than family lovers opposing me, but through the power of friendship, which is also outlawed unless you go back in time and get their grandparents pregnant, distant cousins in laws thrice removed for good measure, and a smidge of luck, if the unrelated stars and planets in the sky just so happen to align my way for once, I might just be able to save the world, make it out of the past alive, and maybe, just maybe, get some sweet non-sister pussy.
If God was going to help us all, we wouldn’t all be his children and hence related. I promise, the Incest Wars shall be no more!
© Narrauthorator, 2019. All rights reserved.