So why did incest become such a big thing, or the cat’s pajama’s or the dog’s sweater vest, as the people in your time tend to say?
Basically, we were losing the nuclear arms race and our country needed an
advantage against the enemy. So, the government figured, ‘hey, what if we can
have all the best genes in one person? In one family? In one bloodline? They could kill those liberal communists easily!' That’s
how we got the richest, the smartest, the fastest, the strongest, the toughest,
the most creative, all in one person. And then eventually every person.
It wasn't done through DNA cloning experiments. That’s not real, you idiot. Instead, the government had all the best human specimens bone each other, in the past, to birth the perfect human specimen today. Or, in the past rather, since you’re reading this in the present now, which is my future grandpa, I think. Or perhaps rather the not as past past. Damn, I hate being stupid. Time travel is confusing enough for normal people.
What else is there to explain? Oh yes, we all have the same blood. Good if you’re suffering from major blood loss and you need some, bad if you don’t want disease to wipe out humanity. You know those zombie movies, where the select few hot people don’t become zombies due to a blood mutation, or being immune due to DNA shit that’s not actually scientifically accurate? We aren’t so lucky. The enemy could easily wipe us out in the blink of a butt cheek flap with a virus. Kill one, and you can kill them all. We can’t do the same to those different blooder brothers.
“Marzark! Come get breakfast! You don’t want your Fruit Loops to get cold!”
That’s my grandma/cousin Yaktan. She’s a’ight. She can fix a car engine faster than a horse can patch a tire on the Fourth of July. She was born before the incest doctrine took effect, but her parents were changed via time travel to be her uncle/mom and neighbor/dad, who are also my aunt/cousin and coworker/nephew/pet, respectively. Her original parents were disintegrated, the bones then brought back in time to the dinosaur ages to become fossil fuel for people to use today.
Hey, you might think the incest sounds bad, but at least our gas is cheap as hell and we don’t have to rely on that Nazi solar garbage. “Sure thing Yaktan, and don’t forget to heat up my Nesquik!” I love to drink cold hot chocolate, especially with lukewarm coffee mixed in. It’s the favorite drink of the most famous incest couple on Earth, Make and Jaggie Hyllengaal.
I put on my favorite sweater, the one without the holes made by rats that’s the color of unicorns and golden-brown French fries, and tumbled down the stairs. I’m adorably clumsy. I didn’t get the sexy athletic genes, but that’s just the dog’s sweater vest!
A gun was pointed to Yaktak’s head by a man I didn’t recognize. “You need to come with me or your grandma/cousin/butler dies!”
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