“Marzark! Stop passing notes this instant, unless you want to spend another four days in the bad guy hole again! Don’t push your luck like it’s some sort of unaborted baby—the worst kind of infants!” The slam of a ruler on my desk sure woke me the fuck up.
“Sorry Ms. Buttechanan. It won’t happen again.” Yes, the worst teacher of all time has a name that’s pronounced Butt Cannon, like an Ass Rocket Launcher or a Bunghole Bomber. If you can’t tell yet, she’s a master professor of all Flatulence Associated Retaliation Techniques of Anus Induced Death Striking, or F.A.R.T. A.I.D.S. for short.
No, that word is no longer tasteless. Farting is a completely understandable and necessary action of the human body. Thanks to the government, having to be PC is no longer a problem, like when 7/11 decided to rename their company 9/11 after vowing to be 2/11 times better than all the other convenience stores.
Makes it all the easier to brainwash people if no one’s offended by things like racist jokes, unfair taxation or incest.
Gone is the education system based on such subjects as History, Mathematics, Languages, Health, Physical Education, Music and Arts, Social Studies and Sciences. Children are taught just a few basic survival skills now: Fighting, Human Mind and Body Handlings, Money Stuff and Government Improvement Science. Fighting is by far the most important and useful thing to learn, but I don’t want to bore you with anymore school garbage. It’s still just as boring and lame and nothing to do with chasing our impossible to obtain pop star/athlete dreams as ever.
“You’re darn straight it won’t.” The living equivalent of a rat-infested sewer monster hag shuffled her rotten peach shaped excuse of a body over to the tablet board and swiped at today’s lesson plan. “Now who all finished their homework of incapacitating a loved one using only open palm strikes?”
Cindy Slurpkuns, head of the class/ass of an ass’s head, shot her arm up faster than a heroin addict shoots up theirs. “I did, I did, I did. And I even incapacitated my neighbors for extra credit mam.” That pearly white smile of hers was the devilishly bright shade of white way worse than a small, secluded by choice, southern town church congregation.
“Excellent Cindy. You’re most certainly going to be the top student when semester ends and also do our school most proud in the Fightlympics.”
The Fightlympics is our country’s greatest sport and honor. Being the valedictorian in a school or university is the only way a person can participate in the grueling tournament to the death. The grand prize the winner receives, any wish of theirs being granted, is absolutely worth slaughtering the rest of our country’s best and brightest students. Hell, the only reason people go to college anymore is to stay within the education system to earn another shot at a future tournament.
I won’t let that turd bitch Cindy ruin my wish to use the time machine to end the incestation infestation. I will enter and win the Fightlympics--even if I must kill the cousin stealing cunt slut called Cindy Slurpkuns.
© Narrauthorator, 2019. All rights reserved.