User avatar 1518721601 Black Diamond

3 mins.

My terrible secret

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My terrible secret

by User avatar 1518721601 Black Diamond 3 mins.

I have a secret, a secret so deep that nobody and I mean nobody knows about me. It's not so easy to say or even let it be shown. The people that I love the most are the ones that have no clue what it's happening. To understand why my secret has to be a secret you have to know what my family means to me and what my roll in the family is. My mom's family has been implying the importance of being together and knowing how to work as a team, they always take people in with open arms and love you to the extreme. With that I would say that family is really important to me and I try my best to keep in contact with them all. In the other hand my dad's family has always been the family that doesn't like to depend on others and teaches you from an early age that you should be independent and not as for help even when you need it because not everyone will give you what you need.

I on the other hand have gotten to a point in life where I am in the two extreme ends at the same time. I am a very caring person with the people I love and I am really loyal to those close to me. Being happy and friendly really helps with making friends and my family is actually known for being really friendly towards anybody they meet. I try my best to help people in need and bring them to their feet. I am the type of person that you can trust with your problems, the one that would try to make all bad things go away and make you feel better, but I will never bother you with mine.

In the other hand I have never depend on others nor let them know when I am in need of help, I don't like when somebody sees that I am not in a good mood and that I am having a hard time. I have always had a hard time opening to people so I have close myself from others even if it means dealing with everything on my own. I have kept my emotions bottled up for my whole life and that has teach me to appreciate the good things about life, once they are gone they never come back only the dark and sadness come back. I have anger issues and that sometimes stands on the way of keeping my cool when I have to. I guess being strong in the outside and inside have help me fight to stay at the place I am now. I have always been the rock in my family the only one that can take the hits and never once drop to the ground, the only one that knows what to say and when to say it.

My terrible secret is one that I will never want to tell somebody I care about and I would hate for them to find out. Ever since I can remember I have been the weir child of the family, I don't see things as most of my family see them and I can even tell they know I am not like them. I am in the middle and the extreme ends of life all the time. I have suffered from depression for most of my life, I found out about it at the age of 6, my parents believed I was acting up because we moved and I just wanted attention so they took me to a psychologist, I also have anger issues and I even when I handle it well most of the times I just can't help it but take my anger out. I still don't know how I manage to hide everything from everyone that knows me. They really think I am fine and that nothing can break me, they are partially right. It takes too much to break me but when it manages to break me I shut up and try to glue myself together as fast as I can. I don't have the heart to tell my family what's going on with me since they have known the happy strong half side of me. I am afraid to show the dark broken side of me so I just let it hid in the shadows waiting to come every night along with the demons that haunt me, but I have learned to live with.


I mean how can I tell my family that they have a broken rock? Should I eventually tell them what's going on with me or should I just keep hiding it???

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I know it might not be good but I just needed to write it.

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