User avatar 1513839963 Cristiano

1 min.




by User avatar 1513839963 Cristiano 1 min.

I try to talk to someone about Gal Gadot but I do it at work and

the only person to talk to about it is my co-worker

(small, long dark hair in a ponytail, a fake smile, manicure)

and so I bring it up

except I don’t really bring it up because she’s the one who brings it up

(you know who I think is great? Gal Gadot, because she’s so pure)

and I wince automatically

(oh, don’t say that)

and she asks why so I try to explain it to her

(you see there was this attack on Gaza in 2014 and Gal Gadot . . .)

but explaining has never come easy to me,

not when I’m on the verge of tears

and my throat stops up like I’ve swallowed a cork because

I can’t stop thinking about what this means,

so I try to explain the Israeli-Palestinian conflict

between orders

and she doesn’t understand the words

(apartheid, armed forces, civilians, human rights, violation)

so then I try to explain what those mean

(Nelson Mandela, army, innocent people, and would you kill someone if you were ordered to)

to which she says

(yes, if it’s an order)

to which she says

(but what did they do)

but really she means

(I’m sure they did something to deserve it)

and she smiles like it’s a perfectly reasonable statement

and all I can see now are the cracks between her teeth

and suddenly I know I won’t be able to keep myself from crying,

even though I’m standing at the drink machine with

brown syrup dripping down my fingers from the soda nozzle and there’s

a customer smiling at me over the counter who wants my attention and I say

(I need to go to the bathroom)

so I do and when I rush in, I sit on the toilet,

put my head in my hands,

and sob.

My head belts at me, saying

(shut up)

but my lungs creak, whispering back

(I can’t)

which is to say that I’ve spent a lot of time in bathrooms like this

(one particularly notable time in a stall at a Wal-Mart fifteen minutes away from my house)

and maybe I should say that she is


that she will never own the name


but I can’t stop

thinking about the dead bodies of

people that I will never meet,

particularly the children,

and it hurts but

I still haven’t figured out what I’m supposed to do.

© Cristiano, 2019. All rights reserved.

User avatar 1513839963



Make me a home out of graveyards. Make me a nest out of bones.


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